Living with a pit bull isn’t like those dramatic headlines or tearjerker commercials make it out to be. It’s equal parts hilarious, exhausting, and heart-melting, often in the same afternoon. If you’ve never shared your home with one, here’s what you should really expect.

1. They Are Professional Couch Commandeers

Your pit bull doesn’t just “like” the couch; they claim it as sovereign territory. Forget your decorative pillows; they’ll be squashed flat in two days. And that “no dogs on the furniture” rule? You’ll mysteriously start breaking it once you realize the couch is warmer with 70 pounds of snoring muscle wedged against you.

2. Their Face Muscles Can Get Them Out of Trouble

That guilty side eye they throw after stealing your sandwich? It’s a survival tactic. Pit bulls have mastered the art of “I’m so sorry, please forgive me, I’ll never do it again (but I will).” You’ll sigh, maybe mutter something about consequences, and then hand over a treat like a total pushover.

3. They Think They’re Lap Dogs

It doesn’t matter if you own a pit bull the size of a small horse, they will find a way to fold themselves into your lap. Bonus points if they can do it while you’re on a Zoom call, just to prove they have the emotional range of a toddler who needs attention right now.

4. Their Zoomies Are a Safety Hazard

When the zoomies hit, it’s every person for themselves. Hallway? Racetrack. Living room? Obstacle course. Coffee table? Gone. You’ll witness feats of speed and agility usually reserved for wildlife documentaries, followed by an abrupt flop that looks like they’ve powered down completely.

5. They’re Sneaky Emotional Support Ninjas

Pit bulls have a sixth sense for when you’re having a rough day. You’ll feel a wet nose nudge your hand, or suddenly have a warm head on your lap. They don’t give pep talks, they just are the pep talk, radiating the kind of love that makes you forget what you were stressed about.

6. They Come With a Built-In PR Campaign

If you own a pit bull, congratulations, you’re now their full time publicist. You’ll be correcting strangers, fighting stereotypes, and showing off how sweet they are to anyone willing to listen. Your dog will happily back you up by wagging so hard they nearly tip over.

7. They’re Loyal to the Bone (and the Treat Jar)

Pit bulls love deeply and permanently. Once you’re in their circle, you’re not just their human, you’re their person. They’ll defend you, adore you, and follow you into the bathroom like your personal shadow. The treat jar is just a bonus motivation.

In the end, living with a pit bull means living with a daily dose of chaos, comedy, and devotion. They’ll test your patience, steal your blanket, and take up way too much space in bed. But they’ll also fill your life with the kind of love you didn’t know you were missing.