Owning a Great Dane is like living with a horse that thinks it’s a cat. They’re majestic, goofy, and absolutely unaware of their size. If you’ve got one, you already know these quirks aren’t just quirks — they’re a lifestyle.

1. The Furniture Isn’t Yours Anymore

You might have spent weeks picking out that beautiful sectional, but to your Dane, it’s just a personal throne. Expect to find 150 pounds of dog stretched across three cushions while you balance on the armrest like a forgotten guest.

2. Drool Is a Decorative Accent

Forget minimalism. A Great Dane will redecorate your walls, your pants, and even your ceiling fan with long strings of drool that appear at random. The good news: it dries like glue, so you’ve basically got avant garde art for free.

3. The “Lap Dog” Delusion

Despite towering over most small children, your Great Dane truly believes it’s a lap dog. Sit down for two seconds and you’ll find yourself smothered by a furry skyscraper trying to curl up on your thighs.

4. Tail Whiplash Is Real

When a Great Dane wags, it’s not sweet, it’s a weapon. One joyful tail sweep can knock over drinks, bruise your shins, and clear a coffee table like a bulldozer. You don’t live with a dog, you live with a wrecking ball on legs.

5. Bed Sharing Becomes an Olympic Sport

You think you own a king size bed, but in reality, it’s a twin once your Dane spreads out diagonally. You’ll wake up in the middle of the night clinging to the mattress edge like a contestant on a survival show.

6. The “Silent but Deadly” Gas Attacks

No one warns you that Great Danes are stealth bombers of the dog world. One minute you’re watching TV, the next your eyes are watering, and your dog is looking at you like you’re the one who ruined the room.

7. Public Walks Turn into Spectacles

Walking a Great Dane isn’t exercise, it’s a parade. Strangers stop, cars slow down, and at least one person will yell, “Is that a horse?” You smile politely while secretly counting how many times you’ve heard that this week.

Living with a Great Dane is messy, hilarious, and occasionally painful (thanks, tail). But once you’ve adjusted to the drool, the bed battles, and the gas clouds, you realize you wouldn’t trade these quirks for anything, because behind all that chaos is a gentle giant who just wants to sit in your lap.