Cane Corsos are regal, intimidating, and built like bodyguards, but let’s be honest: if they had thumbs and a phone, they’d reveal themselves as big softies with strong opinions about snacks and personal space. Here’s what your Corso’s inbox might look like today.

1. “I saw a leaf move. Should I alert the neighborhood or just you?”

Your Corso’s watchful eyes don’t miss a thing. Whether it’s an actual intruder or a butterfly with bad timing, they’d absolutely send you a play by play text.

2. “Why is the couch off limits when it’s clearly designed to fit me?”

A dog that weighs more than most middle schoolers will never understand why you don’t want them sprawled across your furniture like royalty. They’d text this with a photo of themselves halfway on the cushions.

3. “I licked the toddler. Again. You’re welcome.”

Cane Corsos take family protection seriously, but their methods aren’t always subtle. Expect updates about slobbery kisses, toy thefts, and the occasional baby herding mission.

4. “You dropped food in the kitchen. I handled it.”

No need for a broom or mop. Your Corso would send this proudly, probably followed by a burp emoji. They see themselves as part watchdog, part Roomba.

5. “That delivery guy was suspicious. I stared into his soul.”

Corsos excel at intimidating anyone brave enough to step onto your porch. Even if it’s just the pizza guy, you’d get a text like this with zero apology.

6. “Walk now? Or now? Actually, now.”

They might be stoic, but their internal clock for walks is sharper than a Swiss watch. Text reminders would roll in every hour until you caved.

7. “I’m leaning on you because I love you. Also, you’re stuck.”

When a 120 pound dog leans, it’s less affection and more structural engineering. They’d text this with no awareness that you’re currently pinned against the counter.

If Cane Corsos could text, your phone would buzz constantly with updates that swing between protective and ridiculous. They may look like armored tanks, but their messages would remind you they’re just giant, loyal goofballs with Wi Fi.