Name: The kitten index.

Age: The debate has probably raged since animals have been domesticated.

The debate being? Dogs versus cats. Not in a fight, but as in which to get as a pet.

Well, that depends on whether you want a warm, loving, loyal friend that gives you unconditional love … Or a beautiful, non-needy but still loving animal that doesn’t require constant attention and walking … But we’re not having that argument here.

What are we doing? Looking at some interesting new statistics about cat and dog ownership.

I already know this – dogs win, every year. True; in the 2026 UK Pet Food survey, the dog population (15.5m) is slightly ahead of the cats (13m).

Two and a half million ahead! But crossing the Atlantic now …

Still more dogs, surely? I’m thinking Lassie, Toto, Snoopy, Eddie Crane from Frasier … Granted, there currently are more dogs, but maybe not for long. The market research firm Packaged Facts reports that, for the first time since it started looking at this stuff, more US households own kittens than puppies. The ratio reached 1:1 last year, and now it’s 1:0.94.

But that’s just kittens and puppies. Guess what kittens and puppies grow up to be?

Hmm. Have Garfield, Looney Tunes’ Sylvester and Alien’s Jonesy become the hot new pet icons of film and TV? To be fair, it’s less about boom time for cats, more about dog ownership in decline.

Because? Maybe because kittens are a bit like lipstick.

Excuse me? So the lipstick index was a phrase coined in the 00s, referring to the idea that consumers buy less expensive luxury goods in times of economic hardship, such as lipstick instead of, say, an expensive purse.

But the president says the economy’s going great. He also said people were eating cats and dogs, remember. Truth is, the property market is sluggish, because of real estate prices, high mortgage rates and stagnant wages.

But what’s that got to do with cats and dogs? Packaged Facts says homeowners are nearly twice as likely as renters to have a dog.

Bottom line, it’s all about the budget? It calculates the average dog costs its owner $1,300 (£985) a year. For an average cat: $750 (£570). But, writing in the Washington Post, the chief executive of Packaged Facts, Robert Granader, is keen to point out it’s not about cats replacing dogs. “It’s about America becoming more like cats: living in smaller spaces, valuing independence and preferring to be left alone.”

And where the US goes, the rest of us follow? While ratios differ throughout Europe, the UK Pet Food survey actually points to slightly more dogs than cats compared with the last time they published it, two years ago.

Woof! But the UK is facing the same economic global headwinds as the US, so watch this space.

Do say: “Just a goldfish, please, until I’m on the property ladder.”

Don’t say: “Whichever, cat or dog, it’s just for Christmas, right?”